Resolutions are a dangerous game yo…

So I’ve decided to stop making new year’s resolutions. They’re just too dangerous and cause undo mental strife. Because you know what happened the last time I decided to make new year’s resolutions (see evidence in last post)?

I didn’t update my blog for TWO YEARS!

Probably due to utter and complete failure to accomplish a single one of my resolutions. My blog-published promises to myself were just a harsh reminder of my shortcomings. So I think I was avoiding having to see them again and remember how I disappointed myself.

Yup, I’m not dancing, I haven’t finished my kid’s TV show story bible, but I am kinda sorta eating healthier sometimes (although this winter’s been a bit of a backslide).

I think setting these lofty goals for myself for the year was actually detrimental. Part of the problem with suffering from extreme anxiety disorder is that when you put too many things on the To Do list your brain completely shuts down under the crushing weight of it all and you end up stagnated and unable to do anything. Or so I’m told. And I’d have to agree that’s what happens to me.

CURSE YOU RESOLUTIONS! I’m done with you. You do me no good.

So instead of updating no one in particular on the ways in which I failed to meet my goals outlined in my last blog, I’m choosing to learn from Mr. Wil Wheaton and focus instead on being proud of what I’ve succeeded at in the last two years. Here’s an update on some of the things I’ve been up to while I went blog silent…

New House! With a great deal of help and advice from two of our best friends, Jimmy and I bought a house. This was probably our biggest accomplishment in 2012. It’s super cute and cozy and perfect for us. The house has a nice back yard and was pretty much move-in ready. Here’s a super cute picture of Miss Kaori Muffin on a stump in the back yard:

You know what a new house means? A backyard. You know what a backyard means?

New Dog! Shortly after moving in, we decided to get a Roomba from Bed Bath & Beyond, but I forgot where it was and made a wrong turn into the PetSmart parking lot. There the Colorado Aussie Rescue had some dogs set up for adoption so we decided to stop and take a look. And that’s how we ended up coming home with this gorgeous and incredibly sweet 4-year old husky (now 5) instead of Roomba:

Koda Bear keeps us walking (and Jimmy jogging) for which we owe him a great deal!

Promoted to Manager! I’ve endured a great deal of stress at work, putting in a lot of overtime as a project manager to see large benchmarking studies–including one that is arguably the hugest project residing in the Research department–completed successfully and on time. And it all paid off when I was promoted to Manager last year! The work I’ve done in the past two years had led to the creation of over 50 deliverables in the form of reports, web conferences, press releases, blog posts, etc. Through all the challenges, I survived yo!

Overcame PTSD! During Christmastime 2011 I was stupid enough to go on a snowmobiling adventure with Jimmy’s Uncle and family when I didn’t want to. Even more stupidly, I listened to the Uncle when he said his 8 year old was capable of driving the snowmobile down the mountain with me on the back. We drove into a tree before I had time to grab the break handle and I was knocked off by a tree branch. We were physically fine, but I came down with a major case of PTSD that sent me into horrible fits of panic when driving or even being a passenger in the car (in the mountains, on the highways, going over 30 mph…).

It took about a year of not making much progress before I broke down and admitted I had a problem and needed help. I started seeing a therapist for special PTSD treatment and I can now drive myself just about anywhere (except the mountains) and feel normal again, and I can at least handle riding as a passenger in the mountains again without panicking and thinking I’m going to die the entire time. And did I mention I managed to get through this all while staying off the meds?! Woot! Progress.

Improved Cooking Skills! I started looking up recipes online so I could learn how to cook a wider variety of delicious and interesting foods. While home-cooking doesn’t always translate to healthier eating, it does mean eating tastier food for a lower cost. Jimmy and I have found it’s a lot of fun to save money and cook together or for each other instead of going out! My favorite place to get ideas is foodgawker.com, and my favorite new meal discovery is homemade chicken taquitos (using kale instead of spinach). Yum.

When focusing on the positive I realize I’ve really done quite a lot. I’m very happy with my life and proud of my achievements. This year I will make no new year’s resolutions, instead I’ll focus on one small goal at a time and then maybe I’ll have a hope of a chance of meeting my goals.

I think I’ll start with reading my friend’s movie script so I can give him feedback; I’ve been putting it off for too long. After that, who knows, perhaps hemming my pants. 😉

It’s 2012 Yo! Whaaaat?!?!

It’s January 1, 2012. The start of a brand new year. The year the world supposedly ends, but I seriously doubt that.

How am I beginning the new year today? With work. On a Sunday. Okay, that’s a lie. I very first thing started with a couple episodes of Mad Men. Now we’re catching up with that show on Netflix. But thankfully, Jimmy is watching it with me, which means I won’t binge on it and it will last longer.

But now I have to spend, potentially the rest of the day, working. It’s my own damn fault for struggling slowly through these reports. Alas. Thus the need for a warm-up. And so, without further ado, what I resolve to hopefully, probably, maybe, but I really better, do in 2012…

1. Start Dance Classes Again

I used to be in a hip-hop troupe and take a bunch of other dance classes as well. I was in the best shape of my life and I had a lot of fun doing it. I found a studio right down the road from where I work and I’m going to start going. Since I quit my drugs I should be able to afford the classes. And while I kept working late last month and not getting to it, it’s high time I pick some classes, put them on my calendar, and force the time for it. This should result in feeling better because I’ll be healthier and in better shape, and happier because exercise is one of the only ways to reproduce serotonin and I just plain love dancing!

2. Eat Healthier

I unfortunately suck at keeping me and my husband healthy with good foods to eat. I don’t know how to cook very much and since we decided to try not cooking meat at home (at least almost all of the time), the number of things I can cook has dwindled drastically. This often results in us eating out, which often involves meat, kind of defeating the purpose. I’ve struggled to change the things I knew how to cook into vegetarian versions of themselves, and I have the hardest time trying to think of what we can eat. Especially if Jimmy is in the mood for something “substantial.” Vegetarian and substantial just seem to be contradictory statements.

But this year we’re going to make every effort to stop eating out so much, and start eating healthier. I’ve already gathered some ideas for how to find recipes that I can make. And even when I want to give up and just go pick up some precooked food, I’m going to try and suck it up and just go to the grocery store and make something. It has to be done!

3. Finish My Kid’s TV Show Story Bible

Remember me talking around a year ago, or perhaps a little more, about how I was working on a kid’s TV show story bible? I may or may not have mentioned that I had almost the whole first draft finished. But then I stopped working on it. It needed some serious editing and rewriting as most first drafts do, but my coworker left right before a huge 10-month project and right before my wedding and things just got a little nutty. And I let it fall to the wayside. Well, things have certainly calmed down, at least enough, by now so it’s high time I finish this thing! It just needs editing, art, and peer reviews. Then it will be ready to try and sell! I really think this could potentially be the next big kid’s show. Guess we’ll have to wait and see. But before that can happen, I need to finish it!!! So I’m going to try.

Well, that’s all folks! Happy New Year! Survive 2012!

I’m off to work on my work now….

A Very Glee Community Episode!

Today’s warm-up center’s around last night’s episode of my favorite comedy television show EVER Community! (favorite drama tv show ever being Breaking Bad)

Favorite Quote from last night’s Glee-filled episode of Community entitled “Regional Holiday Music”:

“He’s equal parts Hanson and Manson!”

This quote is referring to the Glee coach in the episode that was either mocking or lovingly paying tribute to the Glee coach on the show Glee; the guy was even wearing the trademarked costume of a sweater vest. Second favorite quote:

“Glee literally means glee.” – Troy

Community did it again last night with another holiday show WIN! The first Holiday show (2009) was a debate over the different religions. Each character on Community happens to sport a different religion. In the end they of course put all their differences aside and sang tolerant carols to sing. Very touching. The second Holiday show (2010) was the best holiday episode of a TV show I have ever seen! It was a claymation episode!!!!! A-Mazing!!!!!! And so clever how only Abed could see the claymation and everyone else was just playing along thinking Abed had seriously lost his marbles.

And then comes Holiday episode 2011, a Glee-oriented episode of Community, and right after I had just finished a Glee binge to catch up on season 2! (Yes, right before my How I Met Your Mother catch-up binge I had gone on a Glee catch-up binge. Maybe I need to seek help from Netflix Live Streaming Watchers Anonymous.) It was pretty cool watching my favorite show ever do an episode of Glee, which I somewhat begrudingly happen to enjoy quite a bit, which actually was a big plot point in last night’s Community episode, making the episode just that much better for me. Glee really does just suck you in with it’s gleeful song (and Jane Lynch) and I can’t help but get all pumped and into it like the characters on Community slowly did.

And now I will leave you with an example of Community’s true genius that you may have missed in last night’s episode that my husband noticed this morning: Take a look at the background when Troy and Abed’s Baby Boomer Santa song and you will find Britta, Annie, and Shirley doing Hear No Evil, See No Evil, and Speak No Evil…

Now to write my work blog post. Here’s hoping writer’s warm-up # 2 (WWU2) works as well as the first!

Follow-up courtesy of my aforementioned husband… 2 more reasons to bring back Community!

“Writer’s Warm-Up”: How I Met Your Mother, Yo

So….. I was told today that writer’s suffer when they don’t “warm up” first, just like an athlete would. A writer’s warm-up is writing about something that can just flow out for approximately 5 minutes, so best to talk about your day or what-have-you like a journal entry. It is supposed to help you not suffer that staring blankly at a screen for an hour before you can get started. Because getting started is always the hardest part and is the part of writing that is most prone to lengthy blank stares. Once we writers get started it tends to flow pretty quick and easy. So I’m going to give the “writer’s warm-up” a shot and see if I can manage to start digging into the writing of my next report without staring at the screen for a long time first. This is my first attempt…

I’m supposed to write about my day and what-not, and well, all I’ve been doing (other than work) since last Friday is watching back to back episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

My husband has not been totally fond of this, but that’s okay, because the whole time I was binging on catching up on the last few seasons I missed of How I Met Your Mother, he was binging on the new Zelda Wii game and the new Mario Kart 3DS game. I don’t know why I go on binges of a new show that I find to watch on Netflix live streaming; it’s probably the same thing that causes gamers to go on binges with their favorite video games. I just want to see what happens next and get to the end. You think I would prefer to savor it so that it lasts longer, but no.

Watching this show endlessly for past 5 days has caused me to have serious cravings for Chinese food and beer. If you’ve ever watched the show have you noticed how often they are eating out of take-out Chinese food boxes? And they pretty much drink a ton of beer every episode. It caused me to go to P.F. Chang’s for dinner at one point, and I will probably be buying some beer this weekend. It made me wonder if chinese food and beer sales every go up after an episode of How I Met Your Mother was on.

That brings up another good point–Why the heck do I always want to eat or drink everything I see characters on TV eating or drinking? Beer, wine, pizza, pancakes, popcorn, the list goes on…

But back to How I Met Your Mother… Jimmy primarily dislike the show because of how annoyingly dumb and annoying Ted is. I have to agree. But then again, I like watching of Ted’s friends make fun of him because he totally deserves it. And NPH is pretty hilarious too. Although Jimmy says neither NPH’s or Ted’s characters deserve a happy ending because they are total douche bags. I can’t really deny that. But my favorite part is definitely watching Marshall and Lily. They are the best. So funny! And SO CUTE to boot!!!! Okay, and Robin Sparkles videos are pretty fun as well…

So I think I’ve gone over my 5 minutes for warm-up so I should probably go now and get back to work and test out whether or not this “Warm-Up” thing really works…

Drug Free Yo!

Wow. It’s been what? 2 years now since I started trying to get off my drugs?

Well, I can now proudly say that I am drug free yo!

It’s been over one month now and I must frankly say that I am feeling better than ever. Sure I may cry easier than when I’m drugged up. But is it really a bad thing to feel things? So my emotions may be stronger on the daily, but now I don’t have to suffer through those awful days where I forget my pill and go completely insane. Those forgot-my-pill days caused way harsher mood swings than I’ve ever experienced off the drugs.

Other positive side-effects of being off the drugs: memory improving, sense of motivation is back, sense of caring about the things I do and work on is back, getting cleaner, being more productive…

Also, I have taken my medical costs per month down to ZERO! My work even pays for my health insurance since I’m on the smallest plan so I can honestly say I’ve taken my medical costs down to $0/mo. That is AWESOME! That’s over $100 back in my pocket each month. I’m going to take that money and start dancing again. Woo! Dance!

In sum,

Drug Free and Ready to Hip-Hop!

Yo, I love you Netflix <3 <3 <3

For live streaming Samurai Champloo and Chobits yo. That is enough to get me out of my laziness long enough to finally write another blog entry after all this time. I love you Netflix live streaming. If only you had everything I wanted to watch, then I’d be really happy. But, today, with these two shows, I am in love. But I’ve never watched the dubbed version of Chobits before; I wonder how big of a difference it will make. Their Japanese voices were just so cute!

Mmmm…. Breakfast Burritos Yo

Sorry for not writing in soooo long. I’ve been sick, busy, trying to figure out how to be more successful at work, yah know, stuff. But right now I am eating a delicious breakfast burrito at work and it inspired me to come back.

Breakfast burritos are such a beautiful thing, don’t you think? They are one of my favorite foods. Especially when they involve potatoes. Mmmmmm…. And spicy salsa or green chile *drool*

I love these breakfast burritos that the burrito guy brings to us every day, but I so rarely have cash, and, well, they can’t be the best thing for you. Alas, I love them. But what I love even more are the $2 extremely spicy green chili, potatoes, and meat of the day breakfast burritos from Santiago’s on The Hill in Boulder. Excellence. Perfection. So wonderful. So hot.

Breakfast burritos just make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Partly from the heat of the salsa or green chile, but also the goodness.

Well, that’s my thoughts for today. I’ll try to keep them coming. Lata yo.

Water, water flooded everywhere and wrapping around my couch.

Dude! What is this nonsense?! Stupid storm!

That’s a picture of all the dry towels I could find attempting to mop up the flood of water that’s coming from the garage and under the stairs. It keeps spreading and spreading! It even started wrapping around the couch! The apartment people didn’t answer so I left a message, but they probably wouldn’t do anything anyways. I’ll probably just keep having to ride this out. Dry one set of towels while mopping up with the other, then repeat, and repeat again, and again.

I guess that’s what we get for letting snow melt off my garage in the garage last night and jimmy’s today. I tried to sweep as much out of the garage as possible but it just kept melting from under the car, ugh.

Stupid storm. It already got Jimmy and I stuck in traffic for hours last night and it continues its vengeance today. Water, water everywhere yo.

The office got better yo…

But how long can this last?

It seems that The Office is determined not to give up; it even got a 7th season. I must admit, the last two episodes (the mega desk one and the sales team rivalry one) are much better. They brought back the old office dynamics with a new twist–that the sales people actually make decent money now. So there’s hope that this show has turned around and could potentially entertain me for the next year instead of making me angry. Michael is even being less of an asshole and being more of just regular stupid Michael.

Is it wrong to like a show better when it goes back to the same ol’ same ol’ instead of trying to grow and change yo? Maybe not when the growth and change sucked…. And btw, wtf happened to Holly?

Ha ha ha. Back on the drugs yo…

Yes, already.

Pretty darned quick eh!? Well, despite Saturday being a spiraling negative whirlwind of suckiness, and Sunday then not really being so bad, I am getting back on the drugs this evening and none of the side-effects had anything to do with that decision.

I started getting pretty concerned about the ways in which the quitting was seeming to have a slight (although could possibly come back some day to bite me in the rear) negative impact on my work life. So I decided to research what legal protections I might have as a member of the mentally ill lot of folk with regards to my job. I found out some concerning, and yet somewhat confusing, information about the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).

It appeared reading through what I found that I am an ADA protected level of mentally ill because apparently by definition the condition is significantly impairing my home and work life. But I started getting concerned regarding all the loop-holiness that I seemed to be reading regarding the ADA. So I emailed my HR girl about what I needed to do to make sure I was protected under ADA and that I didn’t accidentally do anything to make me unprotected.

Well, as it turns out, getting doctor-prescribed treatments or coming off of treatments (as opposed to psychiatrist-prescribed) legally counts as you making that decision yourself and as such you are not protected under ADA. You have to go through a psychiatrist in order to make the whole process legal and protected under ADA. So today, the first day the darned insurance company would let me refill my pills, I am back on the drug wagon.

Next step, find a psychiatrist and see what the person says. If the psychiatrist says they think it’s a good idea for me to get off the drugs then I can go ahead and do so under their supervision and I will be protected under ADA.

So, there yah go yo.